ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
