My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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