you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
