so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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