Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
