And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
