I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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