I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
