Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
