You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
