I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dignity is for republicans.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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