If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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