OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
