we're blogging at a bar
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
