Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
