the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
