R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize