Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
