You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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