kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Farmville is her only friend.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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