I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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