Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
