I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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