Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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