I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
