Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
