I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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