Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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