shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
