i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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