Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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