if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
