Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
