In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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