no, he came in my armpit
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
