nut hugger
he shaved USA in his pubs
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
