i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
