Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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