It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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