You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
