sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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