A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
