I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize