I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
