Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize