the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize