My first STD was from a foam party
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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