I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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