shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
