just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
