....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
