The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
