the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
