ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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