I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
