there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize