Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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