trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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