he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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