Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
