And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
