This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
