so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
