her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My vagina just recognized that song.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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