What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Randomize
