Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He? As in you personified your dick?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
