Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
