I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
