I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
