Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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