you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
