dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
