My hand turned me down
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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