He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
They are going to name an STD after you.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
