I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
