Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
