So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
