I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
