I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
