i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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